Given the nature of my latest project, i thought this quote appropriate.  i found it in the small calendar book i keep on the computer desk, that i use to jot down bits of daily information.  i like having something like this that i can read again a year later, reminding me of what i was doing on a particular day.  i never write down very much.  Today's message is  "doc appts".   Which means that i went with Master to meet His doctor and become a new patient myself.    i have never had a female doctor before, but i guess it will be okay.  Women understand women, right?

     Master was due for a physical, so He had been instructed to fast for 14 hours before the appointment.  Because i was meeting the good doctor as well, He decided i must be having tests too, and should fast right along with Him.  i was fairly sure it was pointless for me to be doing this, but i grudgingly went along with it.  i cursed that decision this morning when i woke up with a colossal headache and wasn't able to have water and pills.  i cursed even further when things took longer than anticipated and by one o'clock both of us became absolute "bears", from lack of food.  i swear i was dizzy.   i am positive He was snarly.  i know we would both be dead right now, if looks could kill.   It is possible the waitress sensed this, because the food arrived at the table very, very quickly!

     Anyway, all that is past and now He is in the kitchen cooking us another meal.  We have become addicted to a particular soup that He creates, the idea semi-stolen from a cookbook i gave Him for christmas.  It is oriental in design and flavour, and very versatile.  The first one Master created included fish, Chinese vegetables, and noodles.  The second had much the same, but included rice.  Tonight He is adding shrimp, which is one of my favourite things to eat.  And also may be the cause of the mystery rash i am getting from time to time.   Oh well, tomorrow we will know for sure, i expect. 

     Back to the new project.  i think i have mentioned before that there is a feeling inside of me, that i am supposed to be "doing something", but i can never decide what it is.   i have always felt that i am here for some reason.  That there is something that i was meant to do, meant to accomplish, and my soul has always been restless because of that feeling.  i don't know for sure that i have found what that is, but i am taking a baby step toward finding out.  i am going to try writing something more than just this journal.   i am reluctant to say "book", but it will be a story anyway.

     i don't think that i am a "writer".   The word author is so far from my mind that i am surprised i know how to spell it.   i have absolutely no education or training on the "how to's".  Yet, as far back as i can remember, i have written things down.  Stories, thoughts, feelings.  Usually all centered around the word "i",  which left me with the impression that i was just venting.   Yet, people come to this journal and read about me and tell me they cry sometimes.  i find it disconcerting and puzzling that they do.   i take pleasure in their kindness and i guess i feel better knowing that i am not the only one who cries.

     Just sometimes life hurts.  You know?

     Sometimes it feels pretty good too.  But i think most of the time it hurts.  It pulls inside and sometimes leaves me empty.   Or leaves me feeling like there is only a huge hole left and then i panic and have to fill the hole back up again. 

     So there i go drifting off again, and Master is calling with the newly created soup.  It smells wonderful, drifting past my nose and luring me to follow the scent.  

     It's one of the parts of life that doesn't hurt :)

                          ... shadoe

... back to the beginning