May 14, 2000

     So i survived mother's day.  Actually, a bunch of people helped me to become so distracted that i didn't have a chance to drift off anywhere in my mind.   But i should start from the beginning of the weekend to explain.

     Friday afternoon i had an appointment for an abdominal ultrasound test.  i've been having pains in my lower left side, off and on, for about 6 months now.  It's more an ache than a pain actually, but the fact that it's not going away has gotten me worried.  i'm trying really hard not to panic.  

     i always find ultrasounds interesting though.  They are relatively non intrusive, and the only inconvenience that i notice is all the hair gel type goop that they spread all over your skin.   It takes a ton of paper towel to wipe enough of it off in order to get dressed again.  i have to resist the urge to report to whomever will listen; "i've been slimed!"

     That night Nikkidame and rosey treated us to a spur of the moment visit.  They'd found the Princess Diana rose bush they've been looking for, which was their birthday gift for Master.  That's one thing i especially enjoy about Master; His delight in flowers and gardens and how He can explain each and every item in His own.  i love the way He has taken a tiny plot of land and sprinkled pretty plants  everywhere.  (We don't have as many as Lucy though!)  i wasn't allowed to plant flowers around the house when i was with the first hubster, and the second one didn't have a clue about gardening.  'Course neither do i, so i can't really hold that against him.  

     Anyway, there was much sloshing of wine and beer and rum, plus a tasty salad type dish created by Master, and Nikkidame and i had a computer geek-fest.  We managed to stay up much too late, and Saturday morning found me groaning as i looked in the mirror.  i think it was me that i saw in the reflection, but i was pretty dizzy, so it may have been an imposter.  Whoever it was had very bloodshot eyes!

     By noon, my girlfriend T (from my old life, heh!) arrived in town, bringing along another friend.  They were spending the night; here to see the "Lion King" and have a bit of a visit with me.  We dashed off to a nearby bar/restaurant for a bite to eat, then to the R.O.M.  After standing in line for a bit, being pushed around in the people-packed foyer, and discovering that the admittance price was a bit higher than they could afford during this trip, the girls decided we should move on.  

     Now i still don't know this city very well.  And i especially don't have a good handle on how the transit system works.  i have discovered the Queen Street streetcar can get me to pretty much anything i need, but other than that, i'm lost.  And there i was saying such wise and worldly things as ... "can i have the map please? i need to figure out how to get back to Queen Street.!"  Which is how my first adventure at using the subway by myself began.  And my sense of direction underground is even more shaky than above.   

     (After some discussion with Master, i've come to the conclusion i am going to have to memorize the subway system instead of relying on my non-existent internal compass.  Or i could take T up on her offer of a compass for my birthday)

     We did make it back to Queen Street, and right back to the same place we'd had lunch earlier.  We had a few drinks (needed to restore some colour into our pale faces after the subway adventure) and had a great gossip fest.  Then we returned home, got cleaned up and went out for dinner before dropping the girls off at the theatre.  Master and i came home again, long enough to get changed, then headed off to a play party. 

     i like the subtle changes in Master when we attend these parties.  i'm not sure He notices, but He gets a firm expression in His eyes, and His posture becomes one of determination.  That combined with how He looks in His leathers pretty much puts my head exactly where it needs to be.  Any hope of intelligent conversation from me is gone.  i'm floating.

     He brought along the new knife.  i remember feeling it against my skin and looking down, watching Him drag the blade slowly over my nipples.  Because of the curve in the handle, it was easy for Him to switch to using the tip of the handle as well, with just a twist of His wrist.  i am not sure what fascinated me more; feeling the sharp edge of the blade and watching it moved slowly over me, or how the knife actually looked in His hand.  

     Master had access to the front and back of me, as i was tied by the wrists cuffs to the suspension bar.  He indulged me with a longer scene than we usually have in public which included caning my legs, and some breath play.  i loved it.  i could stay there forever, feeling the sting of the toys, the thumping of the floggers, the slap of His hands.  i love when He comes up behind me and holds my body against His.  i like when He whispers things in my ear.  His voice is a deep rumble of vibration pressed up close to my mind.  i like the way tiny beads of sweat gather on His forehead and find their way to the tip of His nose, as He bends over me while we cuddle during aftercare.  

     i really, really like that knife.  

**************

     Station break.  i floated off in my memories.

     So Saturday was another late night, yet Sunday found the four of us up bright and early.  Master made breakfast while we showered and did the girl makeup hair thing.  Once done He  took us to a few stores back along Queen Street, but further down than where we'd been the day before.   He took us into a store that sells beautiful paper.  Displayed there was a pair of earrings, made from metal and origami, crafted into a butterfly design.  It was perhaps the only "difficult" moment of the day.  My first reaction to seeing the earrings was that my mother (Madam Butterfly) would love them.  But then the realization that i couldn't buy them for her sunk in, and i felt incredibly sad.  i wonder if we ever get over the feeling of being orphaned, after a parent dies?   my reaction emphasized again to me, just how very confused i am about my feelings toward her as well.

     T and her friend found a few kitchen type articles they wanted, and then we were off to the Beach.  Master was to meet His daughter at the house, so He dropped us off.  We headed to the first bar we could find.  Beer and chicken wings, and more conversation was had.   We did some more exploring of stores and gift buying for their children, then headed back home to gather up their luggage and get them to the bus station.  i was fast approaching exhaustion.  Yet i had fun.  Three positively NOT streetwise moms let loose in the city, sans children, can be pretty hilarious.  

     Completing the day was a hug from Master's daughter, a phone call from my own daughter and a semi-sort-of-card from my son. (he tried to send it as a card via email, but it kept messing up, so he sent me the picture only, through icq.)  

     All in all, i was a happy-camper-like mom who is proud to report she successfully and happily survived her first mother's day in her new home.             

            shadoe