pleaseSir

MARCH 25, 2000

The other day i wrote about the sketching session i had with K, and she has now scanned the picture i spoke about. So of course i wanted to post it here:

i keep sitting here staring at it. It's me. It's my mother as well, although not so much as i originally thought. my eyes are bigger than hers were. i'm getting a bit of the "jowl" in the jawline, that she had. Well, in truth, all the women from my mother's side of the family have this.

i think she made me look elegant. i don't perceive myself that way and i wish i did. i've always felt like i come from the wrong side of the tracks; i've always wanted to be classy and poised and socially adept.

Yet, i know K well enough to realize that she sketches what she "sees inside", as well as the physicalness of her subject. At the end of the session, she turned to Master and said; "it's all in the eyes, isn't it." A statement.

What did she see there?

Something else that K shared with me recently. i was reading an entry of hers, (she keeps a journal as well) in which she was speaking about one's talent and neglecting it and what her mother used to say to her. i wrote to her and asked a question. The following is both the question and her reply:

shadoe wrote:

i just finished reading Your March 2 post.. (yes i a know i am behind in reading *sigh*) the following caught my eye: "If you have a talent and you don't use it, you deserve to have it taken away." what does one do however, when they are unable to convince themselves that they have any "real" talent..

K wrote:

Tough call. I don't want to be glib in answering.

On the one hand, even talent takes hard work. You have to keep at it and at it, perfecting your knowledge/technique/craft. Even people who are sure of their talents do that.

So, no matter whether you think it's "real" or not, you keep at it.

The way I see it, the only two reasons people do most anything is for love or money. Both would be nice (I adore getting paid to draw, would love to be paid to write or sing!)

But if you're not getting paid, surely you're doing It (whatever It is) because you love it. So keep on doing what you love. Get better.

What it boils down to is that you have to believe in yourself. If YOU don't, why should anyone else?

That sounds cruel but it isn't. There's social modesty ("oh, it's not that good really....*blush*") and then there's truly thinking your stuff isn't worthwhile, which is an issue less to do with talent and more with self-esteem, I would guess.

If you love it, keep at it. If you don't, why are you doing it?

Please remember that I don't really know whether your question is hypothetical, or specific to something. This is just ball-park sized blanket advice, eh.

cheers

K

i think she is so right. i also like the way she is "practical" in her advice to me. How she presents it. The matter-of-fact approach reaches out to me and gets through in an easy to understand manner that my soul finds comforting.

It also encourages me to keep on going ... to keep tackling "the project". No matter how long it takes :)

shadoe