May 30, 2000

One of my favourite things to do each morning (along with tea) is to read all the journals i've discovered.  In fact, it usually fills more time than i should be taking; time that is supposed to be spent working.  But i like indulging myself!  

     Anyway, during a tour of the Bloodstone webring the other day, i came across shimmer's latest entry and after requesting permission from her, i responded to some things she had said.  i couldn't resist the impulse, especially since she had so kindly provided me with some great ideas to think about!

     shimmer wrote: "Yes, i do believe that i am deeply submissive ... i get scared of my motivations.
What if i find Him one day ... and He looks inside my soul and says ..."you aren't in this for Me, you are in this for you" ... and walks away? And what if He's right?"

     i would hope that He is right.  i cant help but feel that a submissive is "in it" for him/herself.  Why else would they be?  Isn't the journey about answering a call inside one's psyche that is so strong it can't be ignored?  Isn't it about fulfilling a personal need?  Even if that need is to be at someone's feet, then isn't it all about "me"?

    Yet in turn, by answering the need inside oneself, by finding the person that deserves to have your submissive personality sitting at their feet, then their needs are being met as well.  So perhaps it is reasonable to assume that the Dominant is "in this" for Him/Herself too.  This would then become a mutual selfishness.  A shared selfishness.  

     If either party is participating in this lifestyle because they think they "should" or "must" or "have to" for another, then i question their reasoning.  If it is because they are trying to please someone else, without regard to their own personality, then i can't believe that this is a healthy relationship.  i would suggest that a Dominant understand that a submissive is "in this" for themselves, yet also for their Master/Mistress.   Equally important, the said Dominant should also understand that He/She is "in this" for their own dominant needs as well.  

     If my Master said to me; " you aren't in this for Me, you are in this for you" i would agree wholeheartedly.  i would also say the same sentence back to Him.  And in reverse, if He said; "you are in this for Me, you aren't in this for you", again i would agree.  And again, repeat the same sentence back to Him.  i believe it should work both ways.  i believe i should fill my needs and His, and i have the expectation of Him receiving/giving the same.  

shimmer wrote: "Perhaps i just haven't been in a serious relationship that i truly can't control yet. i need it. i crave it. i seek it."

     Mutual control.  That's the way it seems to me that it should work.  Yes, i gave Him my control, and yes He uses it as He deems appropriate.  But i still maintain control in the giving.  i chose to give it, the control wasn't taken.  Therefore we are equal.  Perhaps what might be more important is the Dominant knowing what to do with the control He's been presented with.

     It's about fit.  About submission fitting Dominance, Dominance fitting submission.  A circle.