August 15, 2000

 Okay, i know.  It's been awhile.  And there's really no excuse except that i got very busy and it's a gazillion degrees in the house right now and i was working on other projects and Master has been sick.

     And i've been lazy.

     Heh.  And that's the truth of the matter.

     Where do i start?  The visit with the kids was great!  my daughter's hair is now fluorescent yellow and it cost me $80.00 to permanently mark her body.  (no no, i'm not beating her, it's for the tattoo. But it's her very own design and she's most pleased with herself!)  She drove me around town to visit with a few people i haven't seen for awhile, then we made our way over to my son's apartment, where i discovered He has coloured his hair two different shades.  It's evenly divided to the extent that there is a perfect line running down the center of his head to his neck and one side is pink, the other purple.  Ending at the nape, one now finds the word 'capricorn' tattooed on his neck.

     Alrighty then.  

     We decided we were all hungry and made off to their local bar ("no not that one mom, they're too old in there!" was the response to my selection), where i felt positively like a grandmother.  Remember, they were doing this to me on my birthday.  But still, it was fun and i'd do it again.  It was interesting watching my son trolling the women and my daughter flipping snide comments at him.  "Ya loser..." slipped past her lips a few times.  Ahhh, sibling love.

     Two beers and a shooter, and the darlings had managed to get me tipsy, much to their amusement.  

     i didn't sleep well however.  i was spending the night at my ex-husband's house.  On his pull-out sofa bed.  Too weird! (He wasn't there; he and the new wife were on vacation somewhere)

     Now this is the first husband i'm referring to, and the weird part comes in to play because it was like walking back into my past.  About three quarters of the furniture items, decorations and even some of the crystal, were the same ones that he and i shared!  The kitchen table set, the decorations atop the hanging cupboards, the coffee tables, the wall unit, all the occasional tables, the prints on the walls, ceramic figurines ... the list goes on.  It was eerie.  i felt like i'd never left.

     Yet, the house was devoid of any personality.  i found that part very unsettling.  There wasn't any of  the usual kitchen counter type things out, there wasn't any family pictures.  Everything was sterile.  As i said to Master, it looked like one of those model homes they set up in large, new subdivisions, where they only decorate as much as necessary to get the house plans sold.  And i suppose, because i already knew how i'd decorated around these very same items, it felt even more cold to me.

      The only place that had any semblance of personality (aside from my daughter's neon yellow bedroom walls and plethora of goodies to look at!) was the master bedroom.  i hesitate to say who's the master there however.  Given that i only saw one small stack of outdoorsman type magazines, and an abundance of stuffed animals all over the rest of the bedroom, i'd hazard a guess.  But i should be nice.  :)

     She's not particularly happy staying at her dad's, although she's well cared for and loved.  But she's finding, as i did and my son did, that the lack of depth, emotion ... hmm, how can i describe it? ... is stifling.  And the smaller things, like keeping the house so clean it's sterile, is beginning to wear her down.  Who cares if the ledge above the door has some dust on it anyway?  There's more, but then i'd begin to sound ungrateful as well.  But i do remember how often i wanted to scream because things were just so rigid.

     On the nights he wanted sex (scheduled) he'd remove his t'shirt (not the underwear) and hop into bed, holding one section of blankets open for me to get in.  The first time was cute.  The rest of the nine years it was too damn predictable.

     Anyway, i did suggest to my daughter that she could do her last year of high school with me, and although she was grateful for the offer, she doesn't want to leave her friends.  i think she's counting the days till her 'release' though.

     We went out eventually, and headed to the tattoo shop, and i prepaid for an upcoming appointment for her.  Then we were off to the mall and a bit of shopping and bit more gabbing.  Eventually we found our way to picking up her girlfriend (oh she of the many cats and whew! did her house smell strong!) and headed over to a restaurant to meet Master.  He'd driven down to have an early dinner with us and watch my daughter's final soccer game.  It was the first time i'd seen her play and actually i don't have a strong understanding of the game, so it was interesting to learn.  And it was impossible to lose sight of where she was on the playing field, thanks to the neon hair!

     After the game and many hugs Master and i headed home. The drive was nice, and i even managed to stay awake, keeping Him company and enjoying chatting with each other. It was an absolutely perfect day, a perfect visit.  i felt wanted, loved, pampered ... all those warm fuzzy girl things that men usually roll their eyes at.  But that's okay.  i've waited a long time to feel those things.