December 24, 2000

It's Christmas Eve and everything seems pretty much perfect in my little corner of the world.  Master is on His way back here, bringing His mother for a few days of visiting - His daughter and my kids are here for dinner tomorrow - there's a huge turkey in the fridge waiting to be roasted.  And in spite of the fact that the tiny pine tree i bought at the grocery store had to be decorated twice because the cat decided it would be fun to dump it over the first time - it's now looking quite lovely sitting on a small table which is strategically placed under the Christmas lights we put in the window.

     Yesterday i told Master that i'm very happy here.  i'm more than happy though.  i'm content, more peaceful and more in love with Him every day.  i would not have thought that possible - especially for me.  There was a time in my life that i didn't believe i was even capable of anything more than just a surface affection.  i was afraid to love because i knew that would leave me vulnerable.  Loving someone, in my world, meant that the person would hurt you.  Better then, not to love, right?

      Wrong.  i was so wrong and missed so much because of my misplaced fears.  

      And now - now i look around me - at how wonderful things are and continue to be - and finally understand the concept of needing to pinch oneself to make sure it isn't all a dream.  i'm beginning to understand that it's okay to be this happy and nothing bad is going to come from it.  It's really okay for janine to love.  

      Thank You Master, for all that You are, and all that You've helped me to be.

      Merry Christmas.

      i love You.