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January
2, 2001
So i'm back here again - and only one day
has passed. That's an amazing feat in itself,
especially since as i write this it's only barely still
the second day of January. In fact, a mere 25 minutes from now it will be the third day of
this new year. i'm still trying to recover from the
first day!
i'm back writing again. It's grabbed me and
caused me to itch in the worst way - making me restless
and even a bit irritable. In spite of the fact that
i've tried a gazillion different topics when i've had this
need to write, i am yet again back to the original
one. Who knows - maybe i'll manage to express said
topic in an interesting yet cathartic way this time.
i've argued with Himself this night. And the fact
that i'm expressing it here might tick Him off even
farther. i don't know; yet i think it's better to
express things than keep them hidden inside forever -
inside until one suddenly bursts from the weight of it
all.
A
friend sent a message asking that we catch up with each
other. Our favourite activity is meeting at the
local restaurant/bar and sharing a few beers with pizza.
Of course i asked Himself first - explained what it was we
were looking for - and His flippant answer was something
to the effect of "what's in it for Me?" At
this point i chuckled and said yeah right, then typed back
a one worded message to her - "sure."
He
pushed the issue. Apparently i was mistaken and i
should have taken Him more seriously. Or so i was
led to believe. So i sent a message to her saying
that Himself wanted to know what was in it for Him to
which she kindly offered her butt to be flogged, in
exchange.
Now hang on. Pardon me, but what is this? For
the pleasure of my company she has to offer her butt for
flogging? i don't think so! A simple thank You
Sir is sufficient in my books. And apparently that
is indeed the case - except that's not what i understood
and my marginally feminist side kicked in instead.
Which lead to a nice round of terse words.
And so now here i sit, hours later, wondering what the
hell happened. It was presented to me, that in order
for someone to ask a request of Him - even for just an
evening of companionship with me - that the other
submissive should offer up their butt at least, in
exchange. When i objected to that - insisted that
polite gratitude was more than enough - it was then said
that it was all just a joke. Huh?
Himself has gone off to bed. Our nightly ritual has
been reduced to Him coming out of the bedroom - brusquely fastening
the collar around my neck and not saying a word but merely
going back off to the bedroom - and i'm sitting here
feeling like "what the ..."
You know - the other day i was lamenting about the fact
that there is so little written out there about what it's
really like living 24/7 - what it is really like to live
with another person's moods and know that because you've
decided to live the life your personality needs to live,
there are going to be moments when you think you've lost
your mind.
Maybe i should stop lamenting and simply write it myself.
Yet even during my most disgruntled times - when i'm about
to shut down the computer and in utter defiance head for
the couch with an 'oh yeah?' attitude - something reminds
me of why i am here.
Then i methodically shut down each program still running
on this machine and discover something that i can't
ignore.
Earlier today He'd sent me a poem. Something He
wrote. Something that touched me in ways that mere words
can't touch.
And i read it again.
And know that i'm going to snuggle in beside His gently
snoring body again tonight. i have to.
i love Him.
The poem:
Sometimes
sometimes
when you lay
on top of me
your feet
caress my thighs
like hands
and I
am held
complete
in
your
embrace
Note: i've archived the last year -
see the link "2000"
in the left margin :)
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