August 13, 2001

      Himself decided to break in the new bedroom on Saturday.  Actually He'd hoped to do it on Friday night, but after a long dinner complete with wine, and a long day, and a nice walk ... even though the toys were nicely laid out and ready ... neither of us had the energy to do more than snuggle up and fall asleep.  The next day however, His energy was more than a little bit back!

     i'd had the leisurely morning and equally leisurely shower before i found myself cuffed and tied to the beams.  (One major advantage of moving the bedroom to the old living room - i love those beams!)  Before long i was feeling the stings and caresses of a lot of different toys - and the equal stings and caresses of His hands.  It all caught me off guard at first - since the renos and my working and all the other things in life, we haven't been scening as often and i was afraid i wouldn't be able to take much.  And more afraid of disappointing Him. 

     And desperately trying not to look down at the extra pounds i've gained over the past months.  Try as much as i like, i can't seem to get over this obsession with my body falling apart.  i also can't seem to get my motivation twisted around the idea of doing anything about it.  i keep thinking "okay this is it, today i exercise."  And then i don't of course - instead i get busy with the gazillion projects and pray He still loves me just the way i am.   

     i know He does of course.  i also know it annoys the hell out of Him when i kvetch on about it instead of just accepting myself gracefully.  So i'm trying to stop that as well.  Just venting about it in here.  Heh.  Which He reads.  It's a no win situation i'm thinking.  It doesn't help that He still has a perfect body that would put most 20 year olds to shame.

     And now my skitzy mind goes back to the scene.  It was wonderful. More than a bit wonderful.  It seemed He was hesitant with me at first - like He was getting back into the swing of things (pun intended).  But it wasn't long before the familiar bite of a knife was running over my nipples and between my thighs.  And not long before the familiar bulge from His body was pressed against my back.  i love that part.

     We always seem to fluctuate between extreme intensity to softer, flowing movements - sometimes together - sometimes at odds with each other and that makes it incredibly sensual plus interesting all at the same time.  i think it's part of what makes us work so well together.  That "thing" that clicks for us.  Sort of like last weekend when, during the open house, i came upstairs for some reason.  i went into our bedroom and noticed on the bed a soft piece of lingerie with a long piece of the red rope He uses to tie me with curled over it, and a wrist cuff lying beside.  Strong and soft all at once.  i stood looking at that picture for a long while before going back downstairs.  It was so 'us'.

     We've discovered one advantage to having the bed under the beams now.  When the scene is over, this subbie gets to collapse on it.  Perfect.  We  didn't sleep right away - we were hungry for each other's body in a big way - but when we did crash, we were gone for a long time.  i remember at one point thinking i was rousing, only to find myself out cold for at least another 40 minutes.  i love to float like that.

      Y'know ... i'm really glad the renos got done and the house is so lovely.  But i think i'm even more glad they are in fact done, and we can just enjoy each other again.

      i think we both needed this.

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