APRIL 12, 2000
They say everything happens for
a reason. Who "they" is, i don't know. How they
came up with this idea, i also don't know and sometimes i really wish i
could make sense out of it. What possible reason could there be
for someone dying too young?
He called Himself
D'Artagnan, in the chatroom that we both enjoyed. He was
usually very quiet, watching the others as they
socialized. Occasionally He would toss in a comment; a bit
of dry humour, a corny joke, or a heart-felt opinion. And
the latest sports scores, which would sometimes evolve into a
play-by-play description as He watched a game.
i "met" His
wife first, chatting/typing away to each other almost daily.
Then i began doing the same with Him. We used a program
called Netmeeting
for a more real visit, although neither of us had cameras, just
the microphone. But that was okay because it still brought
us both more to life. Even their children and the dog could
be heard. A nice family. And we always talked about
meeting real time.
Some personal problems
and an impulse were all the motivation i needed. "i'm
going to Kentucky," i thought to myself and said to His
wife. A few weeks later, and there i was, stepping out
of the van after a 10 hour drive, being met by smiles and
hugs.
And i met the kids; i met
the dog. i sat beside Him while He was on the computer,
watching Him struggle to type. i smiled as He hugged His
daughters and kissed His wife. He was the first person to
show me what a real flogger looked like and helped my then-hubster
to try it out. He teased and prodded me into learning how to
serve His "black & tans". i remember the first
time He asked for that drink and how He'd laughed and laughed at
the puzzled expression from me.
We went for ice-cream and
long drives and even longer talks. We bonded. He was a
big man, and gave big hugs. It was a week of laughter and
tears, spent with a family that i could only wish that i'd had
while growing up.
We did two more visits
that year. They came up to Canada (without the dog) and we
went back to them for a Halloween party. More
laughter. More shared memories. While they were here,
they introduced me to the One whom i was meant to be with,
although at the time we didn't know that. Master had gone to
visit them months before, so they wanted to see Him while they
were here. It's always strange the way life turns.
Once home again,
D'Artagnan and i continued to chat daily via the computer.
We tried to establish a D/s relationship, and i know He wanted
that very, very much. i believed for a time, that we would
get there eventually. i even wore His collar briefly.
i wanted Him to be happy. But distance and computers don't
make it easy, and i knew in my heart that what i was feeling was a
deep respect and deep caring for a very wonderful person. To
expect more, would destroy what was already in place. i had
to make a decision that i knew would hurt Him, but no matter how
hard it was, it was right. For both of us. He
already had the relationship He was right for, and nothing made me
happier than hearing both of them speak of the other. He was
a family man. That was right, and good.
So. i made Him
laugh. i made Him sad. i've never gotten over the
guilt really. And now He's gone. i didn't get a chance
to let Him know again, how much i liked Him.
Who is
"they"? What reason was this for?
i wish i could make one
more "black and tan".
Goodbye, buddy.
shadoe
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