July 9, 2000

   Well, last night was a first for me.  i've seen pony girls before, but never a pony boy.  And he was just too darn PERKY!  Clip clop, clip clop everywhere, smiling all the time.

      i'll concede to the fact that he was young, attractive and firm bodied, and the costume was excellent with its tail, harness, hooves and etc., so life's good right?  But the energy level was just overwhelming.  Fun to see, but exhausting!  And i had this inexplicable urge to find a riding crop to use.  How submissive is that?  Okay, i confess to taking a vicarious delight in watching Mistress Tiia ordering his knees up higher in a proper "prance" as She attempted to slow down his spirit just a tad.  But then i always enjoy watching her scenes anyway.       

     A few people at the play party approached me about the ezine.   Most of them were Dominants.   And one in particular gave me some very constructive feedback about what He enjoyed and why.  i truly liked that.  i'm still pretty amazed that not many are questioning why i'm producing it (being a subby and all, heh!), but then i'm also getting the idea that the people who know us are assuming that Master is the driving force behind all this.  That's fine with me.  The ezine getting read and the information helping even one new dominant step into this world is what is important.

     i found it hard to concentrate on talking about it though.  Whenever we go to a play party, there's a subtle shift in how we are with each other for most of the day beforehand.  Master seems to "grow", and by that i mean His presence seems to get larger.  i think it's from His acting background; He knows how to project Himself in a space.  

     i tend to be a bit more high strung, more talkative, teasing with my words and body and pushing the relationship boundaries slightly.  i start to feel "outside" of myself and everything takes on a slightly unreal quality.  By the time we get to the play parties, my mind is already floaty, and i've stopped talking.    Once inside, hearing and seeing the scenes in progress serve to push me further into this headspace.  Hence the reason why i found it difficult to focus on conversations about the ezine, especially with other Dominants.  i'm just too caught in the perceived hierarchy of status that circles around in my head to be able to get much more out than "yes Sir, and thank You".   

     i'm like a big, malleable, tongue-tied marshmallow.  i probably come off as a dolt.     

     Master's brother came with us last night.  He'd been to one other venue before this, but this was His first time to *really* scene in public.   i'm happy to report He's very good at it!

     i found myself being held by the scruff of the neck by Him, and directed to where Master was waiting.  Once there, Master placed a scarf over my eyes, and i was pushed gently to the floor to kneel.  Things got fuzzy after that, became a flurry of impressions of hands on my ankle cuffs attaching ropes, and then my wrists and being pulled back up.  My dress removed and my arms raised, someone folding my hands around the suspension bar.

     And then the first sting.  It always startles me, makes me gasp, and yet i always respond with a rising need.   This time, not being able to see seemed to help me stay focused, helped me shut the rest of the world out and just "feel".  And only occasionally could i tell the difference between Master and His brother.  

     R is more tentative, exploratory still, with the equipment.  Master on the other hand, is well used to how far He can push me.  He also did some deliciously sexual things like pulling my back up against His chest and growling while biting me.   A few times though, i had trouble deciding just who it was that was holding me.   Master is taller, and i think deliberately stooped from time to time, in order to confuse me.  'Course it could have been R.  A few times i knew that it was indeed R.  Yet as the scene progressed it became harder to differentiate between them as R increased the strength behind the floggings.  

     The best part, the VERY best part, was at the end when they decide to stand on either side of me and take turns hitting my ass with their respective floggers.  First Master, hard, then R softer, hard then soft, hard then soft.  Suddenly it seemed a switch went off and R matched Master's pace and both became equally as strong.  i was on my toes, arching my back for more, never wanting it to stop.  

     It's as though the floggers have become dessert, the completion of the menu of sensations.  i love the cane and so many of the other toys (aside from that knotted rope flogger.. whatever was i thinking when i suggested that!), but the flogger has become the sweetness at the end of the meal that i crave.  

     Being blindfolded was a huge help as well.  As i said, it helped me escape into my own headspace and be less aware of my surroundings.  It deprived my brain of having to visually think at all, and in doing so seemed to lessen the noise level as well.  People weren't as blatantly "there" for me, and i was able to float into the sensations of two sets of hands and toys being used on my body.  i was able to use my mind's eye to "see" how the scene looked, as well as enjoy the feel of it.  

     i felt wanted and needed and used and indulged and wanton and slutty and aroused and sexy.  Good, good things.

     Thank You Master and R. :)