July 11, 2000

   It's later in the day, and i'm still not focused.   i think going outside for a bit might be the best thing to do.  i keep looking at all the things i should be doing and i'm just not getting to them.  Working on the ezine, writing, cleaning up the house.  Nothing.  No motivation.  

     Well i did move the microwave.   i put it on top of the fridge (we have a low fridge) and now there's more usable counter space.  Or at least there was, but then i decided to put all the porcelain bowls on it.  i love those bowls and like to have them handy!  And Master doesn't use the microwave anyway; in fact, i'm the only one that does.  He looks at it like it's some sort of alien creature and if He wants something thawed He hands it to me while mumbling about still having male parts He wishes no harm to.  

     The ezine  is now up to 853 hits.  Where do all these people come from?  The hits have slowed down somewhat, and that's fine, cause i can feel the pressure building, increasing my anxiety about next month's issue.  

     Obviously i am obsessing over the hit counter. 

      i was like this with my kids as well.  

      i'm surprised they survived me.  

     Shimmer is glowing.  i was speaking with her on the phone and could hear the happy lilt of her voice quite clearly.  She's just enjoyed three days of a visit with John (read her journal to find out) and i don't think her feet have hit the ground yet.  That was fun to hear.  i remember the heady "first days" with Master.  Course i was petrified of Him, right along with being totally head over heels, but i didn't tell Him any of that!

     Sometimes i miss that earlier excitement.  Most of the time i just enjoy the deeper closeness we have now.  It's richer somehow.  

     i hope you get there Shimmer.  You deserve it.

     Okay.  i'm going to stop now.  i'm talking in short terse sentences which means i'm not really deeply into this as much as i should be.

     Where's the beer ...