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August
21, 2000
It's monday morning, and as per usual it is taking me
forever to get going. i don't know why, but it's
always the same. i just like taking my time and
savouring all the adventures of the weekend.
My son came to visit Sunday
morning, and spent the night. He brought along His
girlfriend, which meant i had to digest the idea of them
sleeping together. In front of me. He did ask
before bringing her, of course, and Master left the
decision up to me. Still, it was a bit unsettling,
and i did kind of pull Him aside and STRONGLY mention that
we don't have doors. So we'd be able to hear ... you
know ... so just don't ... you know ... okay?
Funny how i can give all sorts
of graphic advice when i don't have to look Him in the
eye, when i have the luxury of email or icq. But face to
face? Words fail me.
i'm praying she's on the
pill. Becoming a grandmother would mean having to
acknowledge the gray hair, wrinkles and my child having
sex. Ick. But i suppose i've already accepted
the easy part, the sex. It's the rest that i
struggle with.
We went to a 'kinky' flea market on Saturday. Now
that was fun! Lots of goodies to see ... floggers
and paddles and handcuffs, oh my! And the locale was
set back in a field, away from prying eyes, which was a
nice bonus. A Dom/me auction was included, and
several were auctioned off for lucky subs to enjoy having
a scene with (according to the personal limits of all
parties involved of course). The proceeds from the
day's events went to a rural women's shelter, (which helps
abused women but also distributes food and clothing to
less fortunate rural families) under the guise of being
donated from a 'family reunion'. And what an uproar
that's caused!
Master and i belong to a mailing list that many of the
people who attended the flea market, belong to as
well. And of course, the entire time the event was
being advertised, we were made well aware of who the
charity was we were donating to. Yet, yesterday what
do we find in our email but someone who didn't like the
idea of where the donations went.
He
suggested that he thought the purpose of the venue was to
purchase products and support local artisans. He
felt that a fund raiser and an auction, and the funds
procured, would be better spent within the bdsm community,
for a library or educational workshops.
Hmm. Well, okay so
obviously this person might have missed the information
when it was sent out on the list, and was therefore
unaware of where His donation dollars were going.
And maybe He missed the information about the vendor
requirement of 'donating' $20.00 (given to the shelter)
for the right to have a table set up at the flea
market. The fact that a few people asked for
clarification on this publicly, means that most of us did
get it, i imagine.
So the reality
was, we were actually supporting both the charity and the
local artisans, as they would keep the proceeds of their
own sales of course. The auction was entirely volunteer,
Dominants willing to give up a little bit of personal
time, and the monies raised would help someone less
fortunate than them. Pretty admirable, in my
opinion.
Given the happy
smiles on many of the vendors' faces, i'd wager a bet that
they will come back again for the next event. So far
as the library and/or the educational workshops:
i've seen many incredibly generous-hearted people again
volunteering their wares and/or time, for the education
and encouragement of our lifestyle. Perhaps they
feel that helping others less fortunate than themselves is
an okay thing to do as well. And while i agree that
raising funds for a library and for workshops is an
excellent idea, this particular time it was made
specifically clear where the donations are going.
Who said this would be the only opportunity to do any fund
raising?
And then we move
on to the next poster, who's questions were more
pointed. She wondered if the people receiving the
proceeds knew the money was being raised through the sale
of devices to inflict pain on women. She wondered if
they would accept the money knowing and understanding the
'nature' of what we do, and if they understood the concept
of consensuality.
Now this one
started all kinds of conversations, most noticeably a
response from Master, given that it was directed at Him
(on a public mailing list of over 700 people).
Master's response was if one wasn't there, and it didn't
involve one's own money, and one was apprised of
the facts before the event, then people have no business
sticking their noses into the works, after its over.
Of course He said it much more eloquently than i just
did.
my initial
reaction to that post was that it somehow implied what we
are doing is wrong. This person is a female slave
and used the sentence "sale of devices to inflict
pain on women." And managed to make it sound
negative. At least to my ears, and apparently to a
whole bunch of others as well.
Who said it was
pain? Maybe floggers or canes don't hurt some of
us. Maybe we feel it is pleasure. i know i
certainly derive a lot of pleasure from feeling Master's
toys. And i don't feel like i'm getting inflicted upon.
Getting a punch in the nose from a bully in a bar fight,
well now, that's pain, inflicted pain that is going to
hurt. (Not to mention the nasty bruising for weeks after
*s*)
And who said the
sale of these devices are only meant to be used on
women? There's lots of male subs out there. If
one is going to make a point, then men have to be included
here.
And as far as
"the nature
of what we do"? Again, i feel like this implies we
are doing something wrong. Something dirty and
arcane, hidden and unfathomable. i don't think i'm
doing anything wrong at all. i also don't feel i
have to explain the nature of my personal business to an
entire organization, just to make a donation. The
plain fact is, a large group of generous people got
together and held an event which incorporated the things
they like to do, so that they could raise some money to
help someone else out. Why should our 'lifestyle'
have to be justified or come into play at all? Some
of us like being flogged, and some of us like doing the
flogging. And because of that, somehow the money
becomes dirty? It's all consensual. Using the
penname 'family reunion' reinforces that consensuality as
well, given that i'm sure most of the attendees would
prefer to give permission before being 'outted', as it
were. It's their personal business.
And it did feel
like a family reunion, seeing all the happy and smiling
faces there. If we can refer to the participants of
this lifestyle a 'community', then why not 'a family'?
Which leads me to
the last thought. Do abused women at a shelter
understand the concept of consensuality? i'm
guessing they do. i'm guessing that they understand
perfectly well that they didn't give their partner the
right to break their arm, or burn their face, or do
whatever other nasty things one can think of. If
they've managed to get themselves to a shelter, they are
beginning to understand a lot of things. Such as
understanding they might have low self-esteem, they didn't
do anything wrong, nor ask to be beaten, and that their
lives may be in danger. Even one of these reasons is
a start to self-recovery.
If any one of
those women wanted to ask me why i like being flogged, i
would willingly sit down with them and attempt to
explain. They might not understand in the end, but
at least they'd know i have a loving Master who boosts my
self esteem when it lags, and that what we do together, we
do for pleasure. And hopefully my donation helps get
them to the path of finding their own happiness.
On a totally
quirky closing note; what if the charity of choice had
been an animal shelter? Would the same questions
have been asked? i doubt it, yet animals don't
understand the concept of consensuality. If we sell
a dozen buggy whips, should we not donate the proceeds
because these whips are used to inflict pain on horses?
Ah well.
This isn't the first nice thing to be picked apart.
Most likely it won't be the last.
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