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October
13, 2000
Friday the 13th. It's
usually a day i prefer to stay in bed, but i don't because
that would be admitting just how superstitious i really
am. But it never has been a great day for me ...
most likely because i don't expect it to be.
In
the past, i'd be getting ready to go to a bike rally in a
place called Port Dover. Every Friday the 13th
bikers from all over meet there. The reason behind
the meet'n greet began years ago, when some riders
returned to the small town on the anniversary of the death
of one of their buddies, who'd been killed there in a bike
accident. It became an annual thing, growing
each year as others decided to join in the trek, and is
now one of the top money-making events. The main
street is entirely closed off to traffic and the bikers
converge, selling t-shirts and leather goods and just
generally having a great time. The aroma of beer and
bikers and tons of leather (in various states of dress and
undress!) was always wonderfully intoxicating.
Now, it's just a fond memory and i admit to a twinge of
wistfulness about it, but in truth i don't feel really
strong urges to be there. i guess i'm content with
the memories. And if i need a leather fix, i can ask
Master nicely if i can sniff the flogger
*g*.
i survived trying to cook for my kids last weekend.
They are the pickiest! He likes chicken legs, not
the breast ... she only likes the breast but doesn't want
any cause it had bones once upon a time ... mashed
potatoes are great but take the skin off and broccoli is
cool so long as it's cooked to the point of becoming mush
in the water. And real cheese sauce? Not on
your life. It has to be processed cheese food or
nothing. Ick.
All in all however, my son ate some new things and
discovered it was all very good. my daughter?
Scrambled eggs with ketchup (no toast; it was brown
bread), tomato soup, plain crackers, mashed potatoes and
broccoli. And some french fries when we went
shopping. i'd starve!
It was pretty weird having a beer with them. i
always forget that they are young adults now and have
these social lives that are somewhat of a reflection of my
own. And they openly admitted to having an idea of
my bedroom 'habits' so to speak, although they revealed
this fact by teasing me. We were doing the dishes
after the thanksgiving dinner and one of them held up a
rather large paddle-shaped wooden spoon, then pretended to
smack my butt with it. The other one laughed and
said; "hey mom ... is this one of your bedroom
toys?" This produced much howling laughter and
they looked around for other potential 'toys'. The
brats :)
Earlier, my son had given his sister a serving of food and
she'd replied; "thank you, Sir ... " His
eyes got big and round, and in an excited voice he turned
to me. "Mom! I got a Sir!" We
both laughed and then he tried to explain to his sister
the concept of BDSM.
In spite of their eating habits, they are pretty cool
kids. Errr ... young adults. And i still make
sure they know i'm not ready to be a grandmother!
So i've done something i've never done before ... and that
is share my journal with someone from my past. (Past
being before i moved here) It's kind of scary, but
it feels really good too, knowing that there is someone
who cares enough to ask me how i am doing and about my
life.
N and i go way back. In fact, she was around when my
first marriage went for a dump and more than once pulled
me out of the doldrums. And more than once we'd
share a bit of afternoon folly. (Such as the time we
went out for groceries and didn't come back till after
midnight!) In fact she lived with us for a few short
weeks, quickly moving out when she discovered what the
first hubster was really like, but that's another story
for another time and place.
But she never went far away. We'd drift apart for a
bit, then find each other again and this has been going on
for years. She's always been there for me, always
been loyal in her defense of me when people accused or
judged wrongly. She's had a bunch of ups and downs
herself and while her life took a different path than
mine, she always took time to say hi.
She's one of the few people i've truly felt was a
friend. A good friend ... more than just an acquaintance.
In fact, she and her mother were my substitute family for
years. i feel guilty knowing i'm not as good at
maintaining correspondence as i should. Something i
intend to rectify.
So. N has a new computer, and my last visit i
mentioned the idea of her getting icq so we could
communicate easier. And lo and behold she does this
very thing! We've spent the past few days
catching up on news and exploring thoughts and
feelings. Discussing the fallout gossip of my
'leaving town', and how we are doing in our present
relationships. She's also been curious about the
lifestyle and i consented to telling her about it.
But it's hard to know what approach to take with someone
who is expressly vanilla. Because of her importance
in my life, i suddenly found myself reluctant to damage
any of that importance. (Does this make sense?)
And then it occured to me that she is, and always has
been, someone i've been able to trust. Someone who's
emotions often closely resemble my own and someone who
would understand this journal. And understand the
significance of the sharing.
Sure, there are people whom i've never met that read these
words. But i either don't know them, or they are
people in the D/s lifestyle who will understand what it's
like to be flogged or say 'yes Sir' and like it.
They are also not people that i've cried with and laughed
with and felt like a sister with, for nearly 14
years. They are not people from that past
world, my vanilla world, that i'm afraid of losing.
Those other people are important too, but in a different
way.
i gave N the address this morning. And it felt
really good. Scary still, but good. i have
received one reply from her, which is personal and not
meant to be shared, but it reassured me that i made the
right choice. Once again she understood.
Maybe this Friday the 13th was meant to be a lucky
one. The one to remind me of what a good friend ...
nearly sister *g* ... i have in N.
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