November 9, 2000

i've decided to try to do more exercising.  And it hurts!

      It all started with wanting to learn how to swing dance.  The Lindy Hop.  i figured it would be a fun way to get my body moving again, and i've always liked to dance, although my style is not even remotely the same as swing dancing. 

      Then a friend of ours invited us for dinner recently, during which she described to us a new workout place she'd found.   It sounded very interesting, and very affordable.  And wasn't just about aerobics (which i detest).

      So now i find myself doing both - exercising and dancing.  The first day at the gym i decided to do both yoga and weight training.  i went from total couch potato to two hours of workout in one day!  This was not one of my better ideas.  The next day found me about as agile as a brick and moaning in the non-consensual type of pain.  But Master still urged/pushed me out the door to dance class.  Okay, i admit He was right since it did loosen me back up again.  It was a struggle though.  

      Part of all this renewed activity was prompted by an observation i made while climbing the stairs at the subway.  i noticed a couple of women struggling to traverse them, holding onto the hand rail and going ever so slow.  And i also noticed that yes, they were older than me, but then it hit me that i'm not really that far behind.  i'm not trying to age myself quickly, but the reality is, in ten years i will be 53, and i could be moving just as slowly.  i don't want that to happen.  

      It's that old saying thing again: "Use it or lose it." Hmmm.  Maybe i should go clean up the toys in the toy bag. (hee hee) 

      So we are in week #2 of my son being here.  i love him with all my heart; i enjoy having him in the city and knowing that he's doing everything he can to move here and better himself.  He's even signed up for school, beginning in January, if he can get the funding.  i'm just praying for one thing.

      That he gets employment and his OWN place to live!

      i feel selfish and guilty and ungrateful and all those other negative things, but i can't help starting to pace. The apartment is just too small and the generation gap is just too big.  i actually gave him my banking card so that he could have a bit of money for hair dye and food and spend a bit more time out of the house today.  i needed a few hours of blissful quietness,  of no one sharing the psychic space around me.  i hadn't realized how much time i get to myself.  Now i see it and am craving it. 

      It's not even that my son is doing anything wrong.  He's actually being very good about trying to stay out of our way.  We've argued once, but that was because he got the idea that since i am at this machine most of the day, he should be able to do the same thing.  He didn't quite get the concept that finding a job is a lot of hard work, requiring one to leave the house in order to do it!  Unfortunately he's a bit like me; easily distracted and not sticking to what we are supposed to be doing.  i guess it takes time to unlearn that habit.

      And now, since i've been typing all this, it's occurred to me that perhaps Master needs to have the apartment to Himself for a bit as well.  He hasn't said so, but it might be a nice treat just the same.

      Hmmm.  A good reason to get out of the house would be to help my son apartment hunt for himself.  Right?  Then why do i feel guilty?  Pushing the prodigy out of the nest is never easy.