January 15, 2001

i found the wrist cuffs resting on my chair in front of the computer early last evening.  Master had left them there just before taking His daughter home - i'd thought it odd that He didn't go ahead to the car and warm it up, like He usually does - leaving His daughter behind for a moment to put on her coat and say goodbye to me.  But He will often change His routine without any warning, so i returned to the task i was doing and thought no more of it.  In fact, i didn't get back to the computer and discover the cuffs until just moments before He returned.

     It startled me to find them there.  In fact, i stared at them for a few moments - my body not moving - before it finally registered that i was to put them on.  Memories of when i first started coming here flashed through my mind and it felt like all of me paused.  i know if i'd been asked to talk at that moment i would not have been able to form a coherent sentence.

     It took a bit to fasten them around  my wrists but i was successful.  My mind began to drift instantly into a very lovely space. He came home and we shared some quiet moments together at the computers, then we had dinner, one last check for email and it was bedtime.  

     i was putting some clothing away when He brusquely announced i was being too slow and i felt His large hands pushing the clothes away from my shoulders.  Moments later i was face down on the bed, both hands tied together and fastened to the headboard.  My body responded by floating right into that same space my head was already at!  When He's forceful like that i always find myself very quickly, and very extremely, aroused.

     i love how He uses the toys on my body.  At once stinging and harsh and then soft - yet thuddy.  i particularly like the new surgical tube flogger (see below) because it seems to get all the sensations - it's light and soft, has a bit of thud occasionally, yet the ends have a nip every once in awhile as well.  

     But i discovered something else this time, when Master used the cane.  Turns out that not only does it sting like hell and make me want more of it, it tickles my butt with much  intensity when He runs the side of it gently over me.  It took every ounce of control i had not to burst out laughing - and more than a few giggles escaped anyway.  

     Sometimes our scenes are highly sexual yet romantic and gentle in a way.  And sometimes they are like this one - more raw - it seems there is a sense of a determination to put my head in a more 'owned' space.  More of an underlining of who is in fact the Master and who's the sub.  During this type of scene i sense a type of detachment within Himself, and i think i find that just as fascinating as how i respond to it.  The man that i know on so many emotional levels becomes this other person who feeds my 'get down on your knees, bitch' needs, and i'm drawn to that person like a moth to a light.  Then i'm torn between wondering where this need comes from, and getting to know this person He becomes.

     He left my hands tied all night.  i was not able to bring my arms down fully along my sides - they were raised and bent at the elbows, yet there was just enough play on the rope that i could roll to my side.  i slept sporadically yet never fully woke up.  And in all my dreams i was tied.  Sometime early in the morning He let me loose and i drifted back to sleep again.

      And a part of me still wished for the security of being physically bound. As much as i am emotionally.