February 21, 2001

 So the shortened lunch time makes things a bit rushed at work but it is absolute heaven being able to stay in bed longer.  And with the sun rising a bit earlier now i don't feel like i'm skulking about in the dark.  i still haven't figured out why, when i had to be in at 8:30 i needed to be up at 6:10, yet now when i need to be in at 9:00, i can stay in bed till 7:00. i don't get it.

     i can't wait to have the whole house! i admitted to Himself that even though i know He's not crazy about me "out there" working in order to do this, i am more than just a bit excited.  my mind flits from room to room - recognizing all the potential for more storage and getting my things out of the basement and standing at the kitchen window downstairs, looking out onto the backyard and Himself's flowers. (He has new plans for the flower beds this year i think.)

     And of course there's the potential for new play space.  Maybe a few well placed ceiling hooks with plants hanging from them will be necessary.  We've also been discussing the idea of a gas fireplace - something i tried for years to get in where i used to live.  

     i think i'm going to miss the cozy nest we share now however.  It definitely has a lot of appeal all by itself.  We do intend to leave the bed exactly where it is - Himself was adamant that it not be moved even though it's in the smallest room.  But that room is also the most private from the common wall we share with the neighbours.  So the storage needs will spill out into what will become a library/guestroom/dressing area.  And the computers will stay upstairs as well, so we'll still be sharing our evenings together in the original 'nest'.  

     But we'll have a dining room! A place for Himself to serve all that good food He creates.  And easier access to the basement.  And a back door!  Room to entertain!  Host a play party!

     Did i mention that i was excited? 

     i know Master is still not pleased with me not home now.  i think we got thoroughly spoiled over the past year.  Options were always available: playing any time of day or night, going out for lunch on a whim or me just tagging along for the drive when He'd go off to do some banking.  Staying in bed till good and ready to get up and going back to bed whatever time we wanted.  

     Even though i am excited (heh - said it again) about having the house, i'm more than a bit worried about how our relationship will be with all the changes.  Already there seems to be a bit of tension.  

     i come home tired and have totally fallen behind on going to the gym.  i am starting to notice that i'm adjusting though so i hope to correct that problem soon.  The only drawback is it is yet one more thing to fit into the few hours i am home - which cuts into time being spent with Him.  And the time i need to write in here, and help clean the house and put the ezine together and do the web designing.  Writing anything more than the words in here has also been put far back on the 'later' shelf.  And i believe in choosing priorities - and He's it.  

     Yet He's made comments of beginning to feel like a house frau.  Cooking is one thing, but cleaning is just not His forte.  And He knows i like things picked up so because i'm not here to do it, He's taken over.  Unfortunately He is very happy living in clutter - i can't stand it!  

     i guess it's hard to explain - Himself has always done the bulk of the cooking and i've always assumed it's because He likes to cook and is not too crazy about what i make.  And for a lot of the time He'll wash the dishes since my hands ache. (i dry and put away though.)  But we usually buzzed through the grocery store together - and i mean that literally; sheesh He shops fast! - and i'd take care of the other house-type things.  i'm a routine type person though.  i would work till noon on the computer, still in my pj's, then shower and clean and then back to work until tea time.  

     Now He's left to rattle around the house by Himself and i think feels pressured to pick up and tidy because He knows i don't have the time.  And this is so not how He'd planned His life to be.  i'm suggesting a cleaning lady once a month, just to take the edge off it all.  i believe every dime of her pay will be worth it.

     i think the 'rattle around the house by Himself' part is the kicker though.  i'd be majorly lonely.  Which is another reason why i'm leaning heavily toward the idea of staying as a 'temp' worker.  Once i've banked the financial amount we think we'll need, then i can take weeks off.  

     (incurable optimist moment)

Hah!  And spend all of it in bed with Him.  Never getting dressed!  Running around naked up the stairs and down the stairs!  'Cause i can!