February
27, 2001
So what do you do when you have a
meeting and reach a stalemate?
The rule is no
hard feelings get carried after our monthly meeting, yet i
fear this time we weren't as successful in accomplishing
that.
i had written
down a few concerns i was having and all were directly
related to my working outside of the house, and how it was
affecting our relationship. Most of the list was
resolved fairly easily.
my suggestions of
hiring a cleaning lady once per month and purchasing a
dishwasher were well met and will prove to be good time
savers - although neither will be affordable right
away. (i've started a collection of change to save
for the dishwasher though.)
Other suggestions
were that i cook a bit more often, which means Master will
have to get used to my style, and that we have at least
one night per week that we set aside just for us, and for
anything specifically D/s related. i suppose it's
called a date night in the 'nilla world.
My last
suggestion was not as well received however. Once
evening last week, we'd just finished dinner and i'd
started some conversation when the phone rang.
Master answered it and proceeded to spend the next half
hour or so talking to the caller. i got insulted and left
the room. To me, it sounded very much like a call
that could have been returned and if it had been me
chatting away i'd have been given the evil eye. In
short, if it's a moment where i'm sharing specific time
with Himself, i will let the caller know i'm busy for a
bit and promise to cal them back. Or i'll simply let
the answering machine take the call - especially if i'm
sitting at the dinner table.
Which is exactly
what i suggested and Himself flat out refused to do.
His reason is because it might be work calling.
Which is true when He's on a project - call times come
through, or the next day's info will be faxed. But
this is not frequent and usually we are only at the table
eating dinner and talking for about an hour, so i though
"what's the harm of letting the machine do the
answering. If we were at a restaurant that's exactly
what would be happening anyway.
In the past it
wasn't as much of an issue to me since we had large
amounts of time for sharing. But now we don't and i
simply viewed this suggestion as a way of keeping
connected.
Master viewed it
as a rule. And His attitude was "His phone and
He's going to answer it, damnit!"
i reacted by
feeling even more insulted and hurt. If we weren't
home the phone couldn't be answered so what's the
deal? Aren't i worth one measly hour of no
interruptions? You can see where this all led.
And i finally asked him (in a resentful tone) that if
someone called me at dinner time, to please inform them i
would call back. *i* at least, had respect.
Yikes. i'm
surprised i got away with that one actually.
i headed for the
shower, which is my best thinking/crying spot, and tried
to figure out how to get past the stalemate. After
all we aren't supposed to leave these meetings
angry. but nobody mentioned anything about
hurt. By the time i'd drained the hot water tank,
i'd come to the conclusion that a compromise might
work. And once i'd finished the shower routine i
approached him with the idea that the night we set aside
for D/s-date night that we let the answering machine do
it's job. This He agreed too.
i think we made a
mistake at this meeting however. We allowed
ourselves to get defensive and stopped hearing each
other. Instead of "i don't like the idea
...", it became; "it's my phone..." and a
feeling of being ruled. And i reacted to the feeling
of being rejected.
We should both
have recognized the stalemate and instead of debating the
right or wrong of it - worked on a resolution. i
think we need to keep that in mind. Especially
since, if every meeting becomes one of confrontation,
we'll quickly start avoiding them and lose a valuable
means of communication.
i don't want that
to happen.
A
favourite moment: Himself had an early call time the
other morning - in fact had to be up before me. And
He carried on the tradition of my having to kiss Him
before getting up in the morning by kissing me before He
got out of bed. i was gently awakened to the feel of
His large hand holding my jaw in a firm yet gentle way;
His warm lips pressed against mine. And was treated
to several deep kisses. i drifted back to sleep
feeling a bit more owned - loved. Happy.
Yum.
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