February 27, 2001

 So what do you do when you have a meeting and reach a stalemate?

     The rule is no hard feelings get carried after our monthly meeting, yet i fear this time we weren't as successful in accomplishing that.  

     i had written down a few concerns i was having and all were directly related to my working outside of the house, and how it was affecting our relationship.  Most of the list was resolved fairly easily.

     my suggestions of hiring a cleaning lady once per month and purchasing a dishwasher were well met and will prove to be good time savers - although neither will be affordable right away.  (i've started a collection of change to save for the dishwasher though.)

     Other suggestions were that i cook a bit more often, which means Master will have to get used to my style, and that we have at least one night per week that we set aside just for us, and for anything specifically D/s related.  i suppose it's called a date night in the 'nilla world.

     My last suggestion was not as well received however.  Once evening last week, we'd just finished dinner and i'd started some conversation when the phone rang.  Master answered it and proceeded to spend the next half hour or so talking to the caller. i got insulted and left the room.  To me, it sounded very much like a call that could have been returned and if it had been me chatting away i'd have been given the evil eye.  In short, if it's a moment where i'm sharing specific time with Himself, i will let the caller know i'm busy for a bit and promise to cal them back.  Or i'll simply let the answering machine take the call - especially if i'm sitting at the dinner table.

     Which is exactly what i suggested and Himself flat out refused to do.  His reason is because it might be work calling.  Which is true when He's on a project - call times come through, or the next day's info will be faxed.  But this is not frequent and usually we are only at the table eating dinner and talking for about an hour, so i though "what's the harm of letting the machine do the answering.  If we were at a restaurant that's exactly what would be happening anyway.

     In the past it wasn't as much of an issue to me since we had large amounts of time for sharing.  But now we don't and i simply viewed this suggestion as a way of keeping connected.

     Master viewed it as a rule.  And His attitude was "His phone and He's going to answer it, damnit!"

     i reacted by feeling even more insulted and hurt.  If we weren't home the phone couldn't be answered so what's the deal?  Aren't i worth one measly hour of no interruptions?  You can see where this all led.  And i finally asked him (in a resentful tone) that if someone called me at dinner time, to please inform them i would call back.  *i* at least, had respect.

     Yikes.  i'm surprised i got away with that one actually.

     i headed for the shower, which is my best thinking/crying spot, and tried to figure out how to get past the stalemate.  After all we aren't supposed to leave these meetings angry.  but nobody mentioned anything about hurt.  By the time i'd drained the hot water tank, i'd come to the conclusion that a compromise might work.  And once i'd finished the shower routine i approached him with the idea that the night we set aside for D/s-date night that we let the answering machine do it's job.  This He agreed too.

     i think we made a mistake at this meeting however.  We allowed ourselves to get defensive and stopped hearing each other.  Instead of "i don't like the idea ...", it became; "it's my phone..." and a feeling of being ruled.  And i reacted to the feeling of being rejected.

     We should both have recognized the stalemate and instead of debating the right or wrong of it - worked on a resolution.  i think we need to keep that in mind.  Especially since, if every meeting becomes one of confrontation, we'll quickly start avoiding them and lose a valuable means of communication.

     i don't want that to happen.

     A favourite moment:  Himself had an early call time the other morning - in fact had to be up before me.  And He carried on the tradition of my having to kiss Him before getting up in the morning by kissing me before He got out of bed.  i was gently awakened to the feel of His large hand holding my jaw in a firm yet gentle way; His warm lips pressed against mine.  And was treated to several deep kisses.  i drifted back to sleep feeling a bit more owned - loved.  Happy.

     Yum.