April 15, 2001

my mind feels like jello.  i think the problem is i am trying to do too many things in the few days i have and i'm not progessing with any of the projects.  The web designs are not going well - it's hard to focus when i have a little voice in the back of my brain saying you have to get ready to go to the gym.  And i most likely will cancel yet again and then suffer the guilt for doing so.  

     i've been warring with the urge to write again as well, and not being able to find the time to indulge that need.  But at least i'm getting some posts done.

     On the upside, Himself and i had a most lovely evening yesterday. Very lovely in fact, and even more precious since i knew He wasn't feeling well for most of the day. 

     We spent a good part of our day doing more things for the house - visiting the lumber store (we now joke that we aren't bothering to use our own banks anymore ... just direct depositing into Home Depot's accounts instead) and just generally trying to plan out all the things that still have to be done.  The big guy doesn't understand the concept of seeing the finished product before it gets to that point.  i've discovered we think totally opposite in all this.  He plans for the moment - put the drywall up and then we plan for the rest of the room.  Workable theory but, like all theories, falls apart when reality steps in.  Example being i have to decide what to do about the upper cupboards we left in the kitchen.  i can't wait for the drywall to be on the walls simply because the cupboards have to be ordered well ahead of all those other completions.  And without knowing what exactly i want to do with that space we disrupted and now needs repairs - how can they know what to fix?  

     If i don't know what kind of storage we are going for beside the fridge ... then i can't make an informed decision on whether to leave open shelving (less expensive) on the other side of the upper cupboards, or put the replacement doors back on (more expensive.)  And so far, since i would like some open shelving (i don't care where!) we have zilcho for storage.  Which means if we decide on open shelving beside the fridge, then i should put the doors back on the cupboards.  Yet the Big Guy has this fondness for a certain type of (yikes majorly expensive) oriental (http://www.greenteadesign.com) storage system.  Which if we go for, means i can then leave the cupboard doors off. But He's not making these decisions. Get the dilemma?

     Anyway, back to our nice evening.  

     We started out by sharing some time together cooking.  i did some of the prep work for the mussels we were having for dinner, and He put together the lamb and marinade for our Easter dinner.   i love the time we spend together in the kitchen - chatting and sharing a glass of wine and just generally catching up with each other.  i love how we always play some soft music and always have candlelight when it's time to eat.  

     We spent a lot of our time last night discussing different D/s type ideas and opinions.  i always feel like my mind is being stretched a bit when i have to explain what it is i believe.  No one has ever had me do that before, and i think it helps both of us stay out of the rut of mundaneness.

     Before we sat down to eat, Master removed the day cuff from my wrist and replaced it with the leather cuffs.  i was a bit surprised and of course the first thing out of my mouth instead of thank You Sir, was "but, You aren't feeling good!"  i got the raised eyebrow on that one, but i think He's figured out by now that i am a born worrier.

     i think at one point during the dinner He was trying hard not to laugh at me as i dove into the mussels.  But they were so good! 

     After dinner we did the email check thing and then went off to bed.  At this point it was getting late and i thought we would probably just snuggle up and sleep.  Wrong!  i was instructed to kneel at the foot of the bed and wait for Him.  And it wasn't very long before He was in the room and tying my wrists together, to the headboard of the bed.  

     i've discovered that i am much more sensitive than i used to be, most likely because we have had a bit more space in between our scenes.  But in some ways i think i like that since it gives me different sensations to explore.  i also suspect that Master is using more of the stingy toys which has me at one moment feeling annoyed and at the next moment craving more.  It becomes a really weird head thing. And, like last night, the thought that i am not dropping into any kind of subspace drifts through my mind, right about the same time that i do indeed drop. 

     Last night was a bit different however.  Usually (although not always) we make love after a scene at home - but this time Himself decided to go exploring with His fingers again.  i'm always surprised when He ignores His own body and focuses on mine instead.  And last night, after i asked nicely, He also allowed me to masturbate - something i am still shy about doing in front of Him.  Thank gawd the lights were off! But the combination of a tingling butt, and His hand and my hand was very intense and my inhibitions kind of went out the window really quickly.  i was a very happy camper indeed as i drifted off to sleep.

     What i want to know is this. How come my butt itches the next day, after a scene?  Weirdness.