May
5, 2001
i did end up wearing the
collar to bed last night. After i was finished
updating here and chatting with my girlfriend N on icq for
a bit, Himself woke up and we made our way to the
bedroom. i crawled into bed first and on a whim
grabbed the collar. i figured the worse that could
happen was i'd end up just holding it all night, but at
least i'd feel better.
He
got into bed and took off His glasses. And just
before He turned off the light i placed the collar on His
chest. No words. But the ice was broken and i
was pulled over closer to Him while He fastened around my
neck.
i
think we both slept better last night.
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The house is really starting to take shape and i'm getting
excited! There's lots of drywall up now and we
picked up the beams for the staircase and made some
choices on how to repair the floors. We visited a
new building supply store today, where i discovered even
more lighting choices and a gazillion things to look
at.
i'm driving the big guy crazy though, because i have a
tendency to move forward in my mind to the finished
product and what to serve for our first dinner down there
and He's still back at the "how do I fix that?"
stage. Actually, today was the first day that it
finally clicked in to me that He really can't see how it
will look when it's done and i was kind of surprised by
the idea. i guess i always assumed that since He can
be creative in His craft, and with His cooking, that the
same creativity would spill over into the reno and He'd
have a stronger house design sense.
So
my frustrations have been misguided in some of this.
He's been asking me to make decisions that i find
increasingly hard to make since i don't have the
information i need to do so, and because i'm gone during
most of the construction hours - so there's no hands-on
time to explore possibilities. And He's finally made
me understand that He can't see down the road so to speak
- example being how the floor will look when done.
He's also busy trying to learn how to do the things He's
actually working on.
Then i come home and see things like light switches in
places that totally mess me up for hanging all the artwork
that He has. And He and the builder buddy look at me
cross eyed when i ask to have them moved. See?
If i was here when these decisions were being made,
it would be easy. Well not completely, cause the
builder buddy hates some of my ideas - but hey, we're
paying Him so He doesn't have to like it anyway. But
still there would be less grief. And maybe i would
have understood sooner that Himself can't see that wall
with a painting on it - He just sees the fact that He
figured out how to get the (curse word) wall up.
But after today's talk, when Himself sat on the couch and
explained in very clear words the problem He's having
looking long range at this project, it finally clicked
into me that i have to make some design decisions.
Which scares the bejeezuz out of me. Light switch
location is one thing - and ultimately repairable if need
be - but flooring is a biggy. A mistake is something
you live with for a very, very long time.
Ah
well. i suppose there's always carpet big enough to
cover it if i go wrong.
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So my son
is a blond now. We had dinner with the kids (my son
and his non-girlfriend) last night. We met at the
local pub and of course Himself gave my kid grief for
having His hat on inside, which is when we discovered upon
removal of said hat, that He'd dyed His hair. i
dunno. Dark brown eyes and eyebrows combined with
yellow hair is a bit startling at best. Where do
they get these ideas?
The topic of D/s
came up - something i've noticed the kid likes to talk
about and He said NG (non-girlfriend) thought the whole
idea was a bit weird. Interesting since, although
she appears to be a very determined young lady, she's also
very submissive. Which leads me to asking myself why
i think she's submissive (a question asked of me during
that interview thing i had a few weeks ago).
i find the
question "how do you define a submissive" really
hard. Every answer i come up with sounds hollow and
trite. And easily argued against. Yet how do you
describe a personality? A personality is a state of
being - a submissive (and a Dominant) is a person like
anyone else who possesses a particular way of
thinking. Of being.
There isn't any one
trait that i can describe that says "aha! so that's
what makes he/she a submissive." Himself
suggested it is a person who has a need to serve, and has
a need for attention. But i think that could be
attributed to a Dominant personality as well.
What makes one
model stand out more than another? People have
suggested the 'it' theory (they have *it* and that makes
them special) but what exactly is 'it'? This same
conundrum could be applied when trying to describe a
submissive personality.
Asking me why one
person is born submissive and the other isn't, is the same
as asking me why one person is born black and the other
white. 'Cause they just are.
Why is one child
born hyperactive, while the second child in the family is
born more gentle natured? They just are.
And i believe the
NG is submissive natured. i also believe she's very
intelligent and very strong minded and with the right
encouragement will do well in life. i just hope
she's lucky enough to find the right match for her
personality. But i'm a perfect example of how
sometimes it takes a few tries before we get things
right. i hope she gets it right the first time.
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