May 18, 2001

    i went cruising to some of my favourite journal sites last night and noticed that, like me, they haven't updated since the 13th.  So guilt got me motivated.  So much has happened in the past week i'm not sure i'll remember it all. And not sure any of it will be retold in the correct time sequence.  But hey, at least i'm here trying!

     Mother's day was wonderful.  The day started by having breakfast with my daughter before she had to catch her bus for home.  i'm worried about her though.  She's decided she is going to be a vegetarian, which is fine - however she doesn't eat well enough to replace the lost proteins.  She is still eating eggs, but during our breakfast i watched her eat the yolks only, along with two slices of toasted white bread.  Yuck.  Her food intake the day before had been three pieces of French toast.

     i have a problem with the lack of nutrition.  i believe she's setting herself up for a fall - and believe she will end up sick from these eating habits.  Or stripping her body of nutrients that, over longer periods of time, are essential for good health and strong bones.  And the fact that i've been diagnosed with osteoporosis and given a bone-building drug this week, i think my fears are pretty valid.  

     There's very little i can do.  She's 18 - she owns her decisions now.  i'm going to buy her a vegetarian cookbook though; hopefully one that is interesting enough to get her eating or at least paying more attention to the quality of what she eats.

     i feel so helpless in this.  Sometimes i feel so disconnected from her and then the guilt kicks in because i live far enough away to prevent us spending better time together.  i think some of the disconnection stems from how in a lot of ways we are so different from each other though.  And yet, as i think about it now - i can also so our similarities.  Confusing.  Maybe it's just mothers and daughters learning to understand each other as women?

     my friend G talks about how she's enjoying being a role model for her daughter and then i think; "what kind of role model am i?"  i'm not there - and when i was there, i showed her 2 failed marriages full of arguing and unhappiness.  Not to mention my own fixation with body image.  i can only hope she's noticing how much better it is now, when she does make these visits.

     But back to the breakfast.  It was very quiet and relaxed and she gave me two small handmade craft items for Mother's day.  i absolutely love when she makes things for me and i try to encourage her to do crafts just for the sheer pleasure of doing so. 

     i'm having fun taking these pics by the way.  i'm thinking a camera for the computer is on my next wish list :)  The little box will now be the new host for the day cuffs - a very good idea since i thought they were lost the other day.  It turned out they'd fallen behind the dresser.  

     Later in the day my son brought flowers and kept his brownie points in the mom department.  i am beginning to think kids are born with this innate sense of what keeps mom happy. The pic's a bit blurry but it had the cat in it as well so i decided to use it anyway.

      Himself took me shopping at our favourite porcelian pottery maker's house that afternoon.  i absolutely love the things this man creates and i came home with some teacups and a gift of a teapot to match.  Perfect!

     And then Himself decided we should scene before bed.  Yes! Life is good - life is perfect.  He seemed particularly aggressive that night and indulged in some knife play, which resulted in my having tiny scratches running down my butt and lower back the next morning.  my head always stays in the most curious state when i'm left with marks.  The marks themselves are never severe or have the potential of causing any problems - it's just that they are there and that seems to keep me in subspace a whole lot longer.  It's a kind of floating, slightly disconnected state of mind that causes me to pause in the middle of my day - for example, at work - and my thoughts will drift to the fact that i'm sitting in an office filled with busy women who have no idea who i really am and that there are scratches on me.  And i know they wouldn't understand.  But that's okay.  i understand.  Finally, and it's made all those inner turmoils and angst a lot calmer.   

     i like this feeling of calmness.

     And now i've run out of time again to keep on going.  But first, i did promise kesha a picture of the day cuffs so here there are:

Not very good pics, i know - but you can get somewhat of an idea of how they work and see the extra loops (against the black) if one wants to only have one of subbie's wrists only, the other end fastened around a post, or a shopping cart handle or a chair rail or a .... heh! i better stop.  Himself is out of town so i've got now way for relief right now.  Bummer.

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