June
23, 2001
We bought new furniture!
Last Sunday, after our father's day brunch, Himself and
His daughter and i intended to go to a store that we've
been meaning to visit for awhile now. Unfortunately
(or fortunately, as it turned out) we were quickly running
out of time to travel the distance that store was, and so
Master suggested we go back to a store that was closer to
our house. (Store name is "Green
Tea Design")
Now this is quickly becoming one of our favourite places
to browse. And usually it's only ever browsing,
since reading the price sticker is not always good for
one's heart. However, this time we found some things
that practically begged to live in our house. That's my
story and i'm sticking to it. It has absolutely nothing to
do with my own drooling or begging, at all. Heh.
We indulged in a Korean summer bed, which i can't find an
appropriate picture of other than it looks similar to this
when
it's put together. When it's apart, it becomes two
separate love seat sized chairs and a coffee table.
(The above pic is not quite the same - but at least it's
an idea.) i found it in the back storage area,
tucked away in a dark spot and absolutely fell in love
with the whole concept.
The cabinet is something like this one
and i'm intending to use it in the kitchen for food
storage since we don't have upper cabinets with doors -
just open shelving. Himself wants to put our good
glassware in it instead, and He's absolutely right, it
would be perfect. But that doesn't solve the problem
of where to put the tins of tomatoes. There's no way
i'm putting them on the open shelves like He suggested!
Again, the cabinet was found in the back storage area -
the original one i saw had a sold sticker on it, but when
i asked if what the chances were of getting another one,
lo and behold, good saleswoman just conveniently has
another one IN STOCK. Sometimes life *can* be
good.
i'm sure that's what the salesperson was thinking as well
as we negotiated a bit of a pricing deal (actually a
pretty good deal at that.)
Several
Hours Later:
Well, the fridge is downstairs and we put the cabinet
beside it. Then we received much hissing and booing
from my son and the other fellow that was helping.
They said it didn't suit. i kind of liked it
although it was a bit startling in a room that is mostly
very pale cupboards and beside a white fridge.
Himself didn't seem to like it either (although He's since
said He didn't really get a chance to see it
properly.) So. Back into the dining/living
area it went. For now anyway. i might get
brave and try it again. Or look for something else
that will look nice there. We have a few pieces i intend
to try.
'Course none of this is carved in stone. i *can*
move things around from time to time, just to give the
space a fresh look. If i can convince the big guy
and if His back holds out.
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So i wonder if
i'll ever get over my insecurities. And i wonder if
i'll ever stop getting a gut pain every time Himself gets
contacted by some old girlfriend. And i'm
serious. i literally feel a pain in my
stomach.
In a previous post i
spoke about one of these past flames, and how i felt about
the fact that Himself hadn't told me He intended to call
her while He was in her city working. And He and i
talked it all out when He got home from there.
Yet now she
continues to send Him emails - and that's all well and
fine, having friends is always a good thing. But i'm
not getting a strong sense of any kind of involvement
here. How can i describe all this without sounding
petty?
See, usually when
either of us have gone off to visit with a friend, or
receive messages, phone calls or emails, we share that
with each other. Not like a 'guess what!!' sort of
thing ... just a casual sharing of the events in our lives
that occur independent of each other.
So, will the
posts from this newly returned friend be shared with
me? i'm not sure. Especially since, just a bit
earlier today, i happened to glance over to Himself as He
sat at His computer (i love His profile btw) and saw this
woman's name. And when i asked how she was and what
was up, i got the "oh you know ... stuff"
response.
Stuff.
Okay. So a
woman who's attractive and younger than me and probably
skinny with a big chest and gawd knows what else my
imagination can conjure up, and is a past lover, and could
barely resist her temptation just a few weeks ago, and He
admitted to being tempted as well ... is now only writing
about 'stuff'?
i honestly don't
think that same response from me, if i were the one
receiving an email from an old flame, would be acceptable
to Him.
See what i mean
about my insecurities? It probably is all about
stuff. And it doesn't alter how good our
relationship is. And it doesn't take away the fact
that it's more than a bit obvious we are working hard on
staying together and spending the rest of our lives
together. Hopefully we have at least 30 more healthy
years. But suddenly i'm tossed back into the bog of
feeling old before i got there, and undesirable and
wondering if maybe i'm boring Him.
Then my head
flips to the next phase of 'what if' and does it really
matter if He decides to have a fling, since i'm the one He
lives with anyway and i know He likes me here. And
then again, i have the right to have a fling as
well. It's not like we are running around like
jealous screaming banshees here.
i guess i just
get insulted when i'm brushed to the side by one of these
old flames, like i don't exist or that i'm not important
enough to know. Which might not even be the case
here - but is something that has happened in the
past. Then why do i feel like He's being 'pursued'
again?
Then my mind
flips back over this past week and the number of times
we've made love and i'm blushing at the memories. We
are like two insatiable teenagers most of the time.
Maybe some of the
insecurities stems from the fact that i don't want any of
the good stuff messed up. Then i worry that the
insecurities will drive Him crazy. Ack! i worry too
much. Just like my mother used to. Thanks a
heap for that life lesson eh?
Things have
always gone wrong in the past - i just want this time to
be perfect. And i don't want confrontations, so i
didn't talk about this to Him. i'll let Him read it
here and then pray that He understands what i mean.
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