August 23, 2001

      Well i was able to hide for a little bit, but it sure didn't take long for the agency to figure out i was available again!  i begged for a bit more time to enjoy my house, but it's not easy to say no to someone as nice as L, and who obviously has my best interests in mind, besides the agency's.  That's pretty cool.  So, it probably won't be long before i'm out "there" again - doing the 9 to 5 dance.  Ah well, the boredom would have kicked in eventually.

     i'm absolutely refusing to give up the first weekend in November however.  Friends of Himself's (now also mine) are getting married - and it's the same couple who were here visiting, that didn't out themselves and we were being careful not to out ourselves at the same time.  We are definitely going to have to try that visit again - to find out what happens or what kinds of things we find ourselves doing instead of just dinner and chatting!  At the very least, i think an exploration of the toy bag would be a fun thing to do.

     So anyway, no matter where i end up next, i'll have to make it very clear that i'll be unavailable for a few days.  Hmm.  And i suppose i should work a little harder to get rid of this tummy - i've got just the perfect outfit to wear if i can get into it!

     Maybe a new waist cincher?

     Going back to work might be even harder this time.  The first time around, we had a lot of focus - me getting used to the routine again and the renos occupying our time.  Now however, we've had the chance to relax back into a more casual routine and it's been really, really wonderful.  

     Things like:  sleeping in, and not getting out of bed right away (sometimes just to read! we don't do *the wild thang* all the time y'know.  Well ... just a lot of the time.)  And taking a walk to the grocery store, deciding when we get there what we want to eat that day.  Tea in the afternoon and lunches together. (i didn't realize just how much i missed these last two!)

     And just the luxury of being able to see and talk to and touch each other any time of the day that we want.  i missed that a lot as well.

     i think this time around we are going to have to be stricter with ourselves about maintaining our rituals, along with some spontaneity.  Toward the end of this last stint of working, i didn't feel like we were always going in the same direction (relationship wise i mean - i know we each need different outside interests, but that's not what i'm talking about.)  Perhaps it's time for scheduling more regular meetings - the once per month doesn't seem to be a pressing need for us but i think the meetings themselves are still important.  And if i have to ask for one, i feel like i'm pushing and that there's some 'issue'.  So something scheduled would probably work out better for us both.  Even if it's loosely defined, such as "sometime during the last week of september we WILL have a meeting."  

     Communication.  That's what it's all about isn't it? Not the sex or the rituals so much as it is in the talking and sharing of emotions and needs and hopes and dreams.  Finding that balance that is comfortable - not too lax, but not so overwhelming as to feel like a topic is being beaten to death.  

     And learning how to listen.  So many people don't listen, and i think that frustrates me more than anything else sometimes.  It's probably another reason why Himself and i get on so well - i like to think that we really do pay attention and listen to each other.  Not always good things to hear, but we've learned how to express that in a positive way as well.

     Hmm.  Lots of philosophical thoughts today.  Sometimes i wonder where they all come from.

        

PS:  i finally got another issue of the ezine up!

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