September 12, 2001

     i wanted to write a post on Monday, but life got in the way.

     And Tuesday ... well, life gotten taken away.  i think i'm still in emotional shock over the tragedy that has occurred in the States.

     It's not even my country.  It's not even all that close to me - i couldn't hear or feel the fear, except via the feeble transmissions of a television in the local pub.  And then later, the video feed from my computer.  But still - it struck me deep.

     Our office staff was sent home early - by noon - when several of the larger buildings that surround us were closed.  So much happened, so quickly - planes dropping from nowhere, a gluttony of human life swallowed up in the aftermath - that i think the sheer uncertainty of what might happen next created the need in all of us to be at home.  Near a loved one.

     One woman said; "I just want to be home with my baby."  The rest of us nodded in understanding.  And we all went home.  

     i watched the news in horror.  i called my daughter and my son, needing the reassurance of their voices.  i spoke with rosey; found comfort in her voice and relief that she hadn't been working on any airlines then.

     The young neighbour next door to me came out onto her porch, clutching her baby tightly in her arms.  "What if there's a war?" she asked in her heavy Spanish accent.  "I want my baby to have a long life."  And she stared off into space, hugging her daughter even closer.

    i think that's a reality we are afraid to talk about yet.  This 'incident' isn't going to just disappear.  We aren't going to 'get over' it.  The thousands of lives that were lost has the potential of multiplying into millions more.  We have the technology to eliminate ... technology.

     my son is the right age to be pressed into the military.

     So is my daughter, as a matter of fact.  

     They'd die first most likely.  But i believe we'd all die - this time around.

     Today.  Well today i thought about all the things that have happened to me lately.  A Saturday afternoon walk through art galleries with Himself, and some playtime later on that night.  The spats we had, most likely my fault since i was overtired and emotional.  The nice dinners and laughs with friends.

     And i thought; "You know.  Those people.  Those people who went into work yesterday, just like every other day - did they at least have some good time - some special time - with a loved one?"

     i stood in front of my mirror this morning, blow drying my hair and suddenly feeling embarrassed.  All those days i've complained about my balding pate - yet yesterday, there was a woman, or two or three, standing in front of their own mirrors, drying their hair for the last time.  But they didn't know that.  

      They were someone's mom or sister or lover or aunt or even step-cousin.  There's a poor baby out there crying for mommy, and mommy isn't coming home.

     Himself gave me a ride to work this morning.  The traffic was a mess - it took us forever to get to my office.  But i didn't really notice.  i couldn't stop myself from looking at all the high-rise office buildings and remembering the news.  i felt like i was out of my body.

     One word reverberated through my mind.  'Why?'

      So, no, it wasn't my country.  But i share the emotion.  And that's what it's all about isn't it?  In the end, we are all the same.  We cry and laugh and rejoice in life.  

      And in times of crisis, we all bleed.  

                

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