September 24, 2001

     Saturday night we had a guest over for dinner - a scene friendly one that we've been getting to know slowly and enjoying very much.  Before she arrived Himself put the cuffs on my wrists and ankles.  i was a bit taken aback since i understood that this was to be a visiting-only night, and usually when He brings out the cuffs we are going to scene.  But He said no, this time it was to put me in a nice headspace.  Which is exactly what happened of course ... and the evening passed quite pleasantly, with some really great food and conversation.

     Then yesterday we had a quiet day of catching up on things.  We did at one point go out for tea, during which i initiated some conversation - bringing up some concerns i had, and some observations about things in our life.  It was a good chat though - and led into a nice evening alone with more conversation while experimenting with new recipes.

     Where am i going with this?  Well, the one thing about the whole weekend that i was still left wondering about, was our D/s night.  Was it Saturday when i wore the cuffs?  If so, then that was cool, because i truly do love wearing them.  Except that it was in 'public' aka in front of someone else.  And my idea of our D/s night is more private.  Even if it's only in the wearing of cuffs.  

     So this morning i asked Himself if that was the night?  'Cause basically it means that if it wasn't then we've missed a week already of doing exactly what we'd vowed two weeks ago to do regularly.  Not a good thing.

     i wasn't overly concerned though.  i know it's going to take a bit to get into the routine of making the time, especially since most of this year has been so hectic.  i know we are living a different pattern.  But winter is close by (i hate saying that!) and there will be lots of nights when we'll be snuggled up together, fighting off the cold.  i just hope He doesn't decide the D/s night then will be all about me sitting naked for the evening!

     Anyway ... all this leads up to our conversation this morning, as He drove me to work.  i asked Him if He loved me and His response was "yes, I do!"  Then He said, "but you should be nicer to me."  He always says this and is always teasing (i hope) and today i said i was already too nice to Him!  Heh.

     That's when He decided to toss in the D/s thing.  A task.  A task! i haven't had one of those in a gazillion days - and i'm sure even He didn't realize He was doing the D/s when He assigned it.  But assign it He did.  i was to come up with a list of ways to be nicer to Him.  i was thrilled!

     And i spent most of the day trying to think of some ways.  Without a whole lot of success.  i'm already nice to Him.  A lot!  There's lots of daily things - making Him tea every morning and serving it to Him in bed, bringing His vitamins, lots of displays of affection and doing the things He expects from me, like my bra off by 8:00 p.m. and etc.  And being polite.  The list goes on. 

     So what else?  Offer foot rubs?  Back rubs?  Fetch His slippers?  Woof.

     Yes, i could lay out fresh clothing for Him to get into each day.  i could gather up His dirty laundry and truck it all down to the basement.  i could insist on doing all the cooking and hey, even cleaning His reading glasses once a day. The list goes on.  He'd hate it.  If i've learned nothing else, i learned that this is a man who detests being smothered.

     i thought some more.  And finally came to the conclusion that this was like trying to buy a gift for someone else and not knowing what it should be.  And when i'm in doubt, i buy something i would like, and hope that the giftee enjoys it.  i decided to do the same thing in this situation.  If someone were to be doing more nice things for me, what would i want them to be?

     So what do i like?  i like being listened to.  Really listened to.  Not the type of listening when you are in a group of people and you are relating a story, and suddenly everyone has similar stories of their own to share.  You just know that that type of listening was all about them hearing their own thoughts in their head, and itching for their turn to say them.  What i mean is the type of listening where you totally force your own thoughts away, in order to hear every word that the speaker is saying.  Concentrating on listening.  

     i think this is something nice i can work harder on doing for Him.

     What else do i like?  i like being able to finish a sentence without being cut off in the middle of it.  Which is not always easy.  Again, while in a social situation where everyone has an opinion to express, my voice often gets lost.  i can't project it well enough to have everyone stop and listen.  And i tend to use overly long sentences.  So i'm cut off a lot.  Or on a more private level, the person i'm speaking with is as equally passionate about the topic as i am, and cuts me off.

     i tend to do that to Him sometimes.  i think this is something i can work on not doing in the future.  Something nice for Him.

     What else?  i like being treated with patience.  i don't like it when i'm having a bad day and i'm really struggling not to wallow in it - and being treated with impatience - receiving that heavy, dramatic, martyr-like sigh of resignation.  "Oh there she's goes again."  i already know i'm 'going'  ... reminding me just sends me deeper into the funk.  And i know i do that to Him sometimes as well.  

     i think more patience helps with the listening part as well.  Thereby helping to avoid miscommunication.  And i'm not sure if patience is the right spot to place the following, but it's as good a spot as any.  If patience equals improved communication then that would lead to better listening and understanding - which means when i speak about old girlfriends or even any female that interacts with Him - this does not mean i'm jealous.  It does not mean i'm about to become a screaming banshee (which apparently He's had experience with) and totally shut down my mind and become irrational.  So perhaps with patience, i'd have the chance to find the words to express myself better.  It's hard to learn how to be articulate if you are feeling pressured.  

     And i know i am not always patient with Him and therefore misinterpret things.  So this is something i can work on, which would be nicer for Him.

     i like being indulged in my little idiosyncrasies (thank gawd for spell check here!)  He doesn't care that my body is not perfect, yet allows me to wear waist cinchers in public.  Most doms would have me stripped naked.  But then, He's not  most doms.  But He respects the fact that i have a few negative fixations that don't appear to be going away any time soon.  Even though they may drive Him crazy.  On the flip side, His new habit of using the downstairs washroom as a personal closet has me just a little bit hinky, but i'm trying to accept it.  On the scale of importance, is it really?  More important is how He treats me.  i can work on being nice enough to accept the idea that He's a bit of a slob.  (sorry Sir, that wasn't meant as bad as it sounds!)

     i'm sure there's a whole bunch i'm forgetting.  And i'll think of them later and wish i'd included them here.  But the only other 'nice' thing i'd have to include would be more kissing and hugging.  

     And touching.

      Fondling .... stoking ... caressing ...

      Gone to find Himself ...

                

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