October 13, 2001

    Two posts in a row.  Heh.  Doesn't happen often anymore, but i keep trying.  i'm also considering moving this site to an independent server - one without popups and less fear of being pulled down because of content.  Although i truly believe this journal is a lot tamer than most, when it comes to talk about the lifestyle.  But then, lifestyle things just don't happen that often anymore.  Life is too crazy.

     It's certainly not that i'm complaining.  The 'real' life things of our relationship are the deepest, and most loving and caring that i've ever had.  Sometimes i really do want to give myself the proverbial pinch to make sure i'm awake.  Gone are the days when i lived with the hubster, and the daily  routine of sniping at each other.  Gone are the days of poor, or totally non-existent, communication.  And the waking up beside someone, wondering how the heck i got myself in that situation.

     Now i wake up beside someone who is not only physically appealing, but emotionally and mentally as well.  Someone who loves to read, who has the same taste in furniture as i do (expect for his slight cringe when i unpacked a porcelain china doll!), and same tastes in food, and etc.  Who's creative mind has encouraged me to be brave about exploring my own creativity.  

     We have our snarly moments - but we've both learned to take a deep breath and really think about what we need to say, and how it will affect the listener - that's gone a long way in helping to resolve any issues that do crop up.

     And yes, there are elements of D/s still.  We've moved to putting a cuff on me before bed now (the collar was too hot during the summer) - and i'm allowed to snuggle in bed beside Him while He does this.  Thank gawd, since my knees and approaching winter combined to make the kneeling beside bed umm.. interesting.  And i still do my rituals.  But there are a few things about the first blush of romance - in this case D/s based romance, that i miss.

     i do miss coming to visit on a Friday night to find a note with typewritten instructions.  i miss the laziness of our time then, when there weren't outside pressures like jobs and obligations to interfere.  To be fair though - i'd have to say the trade off of being blissfully happy every day of the week was well worth it.  

     Our once per week D/s night doesn't seem to be coming together very easily either.  It's usually because some unforseen things crop up that we need to deal with.  i think we are going to have to become more adamant about establishing this though - i fear waking up one day and realizing it's been 3 months since i've said please, Sir, for anything.  Basically what i'm thinking is that the rituals - although consistent - eventually won't be enough.  And will become one-sided.  Since we began this relationship as a D/s based one - something we both knew was the type of relationship that we wanted and that would suit our personalities - i don't believe we can allow that aspect of "us" to wane.  No matter how good all the rest of it is.  

     Where is all this coming from?  Well if i do get a permanent job, instead of the more leisurely temping, i think it's going to become even more important to create new ways to explore our D/s.  i'm going to need ways to stay focused on 'home', because suddenly i'll have a career to pull me away.  To swallow me up entirely and take all my attention.  That's always what's happened in the past - i become consumed by my work.  

     Maybe a list of ideas would help - and i'll risk being accused of topping from the bottom.  Ideas like phone calls at lunch time that tell me which door to come in when i get home.  Or which house gown to put on.  Nothing major, since i wouldn't presume to be the one who can decide the major things of course, and in truth it doesn't take a scene to put me in a more controlled space.  And i know i'm going to need to be put in that space - especially as i gain more control in the workplace.  Himself has never lived with me under these circumstances - so He doesn't know how hard it is for me to shed my responsibilities once i leave the work building.  

     i guess that's the word then - control.  i need more control.  It helps me focus and helps me control myself.  i like being able to say "no, i asked permission and i'm not allowed."  Call it a kink, i don't know.  But it works for me.

     In the adventure category - this is a weird one.  

     When Himself was a very young man (and apparently a much smaller and shorter one back then) He joined a group of like-minded teens and they started regular musical jam sessions.  If i've understood correctly, they dubbed themselves the bushel barrel cafe, and continued to meet and enjoy each other for about 5 years, whereupon many close friendships were formed.  Last night, 30 years later - they decided to have a reunion.  In the same church basement from all those years ago.  

     Weirdness.  i've never experienced anything like it before.  Definitely a vanilla thing but one of the nicest evenings we could have hoped to share.  What i found particularly interesting was that although a good percentage of the woman were a bit errr, rounder ... than they used to be, people didn't seem to have trouble recognizing them.  It was the men that people were having difficulty with.  'Course Master was a lot taller, so that was to His advantage - but i'm wondering if it's because men seem to change more in their later youth than women do.  Women by the age of 16 have often reached their established height and look.  Men don't.  So that might have had a factor in trying to figure out who was who.  Well that, and the fact that everyone's remaining hair was grey.

     Another weirdness thing.  Master's ex-wife was there, with the man she lives with now, and that man was also a part of the group all those years ago.  So, she and this fellow bring Master's daughter along, who at first glance one would assume is not their daughter.  Then we arrive and said daughter is hugging Himself and i.  A few eyebrows rose.  i love moments like that.

     So there was much hugging and sharing of baby pictures - all the usual reunion things.  A bit of food and then it was time for the entertainment.  Which i have to say was very excellent and very impressive when you consider these people haven't played together in years!  Literally.

     Himself and His ex-wife's partner started the show with a few tunes, whereupon i discovered that Himself actually can sing the blues, play the harmonica and, in His tight black jeans and shirt, make the ladies swoon.  He didn't hear the comments made from the audience, but i did, and i'm not telling.  i have to admit i got hugely turned on and wished we were at home in bed.  

     Following that was a variety of music and the instruments to complement.  Guitars and violins and another one that i haven't a clue what it's called, plus a few poems quoted.  Himself's daughter was absolutely charming as she sang a song and all the women went 'awwwwwww'.  And Himself's brother - the one i hadn't met yet - was there as well, to share in all the memories.

     A very different - yet very warm and caring atmosphere - that rounded out into a perfect evening.  Confirms my suspicion that there's still some very nice people out there in this uncertain world.

     i think we need to remember that.

                

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